For a large majority of my life, I struggled with finding the answer to this question: how does God speak to me. I read books, asked other Christians, and searched God’s Word, but I was no closer to understanding how God personally spoke to me. Like all Christians, God spoke to me through his Word and through others, but I felt the need for something even more intimate – more personal. At times, I felt close to the answer but had no way of putting it into words. 

On April 16, 2016 I finally got my answer.  At this point in my life, I was a sophomore in college and living the American dream. I was a division one athlete at a top-notch school with an amazing GPA, lots of friends, and progress towards a degree in exercise science so I could eventually become a physical therapist. The problem was that I had put God on the back burner and the negative consequences were seeping into every area of my life. 

You see, even before I entered college, I felt God putting on my heart the calling of full time ministry, partially involving missions overseas. However, I doubted this could be the path God had for me. So, I ignored this and continued on the path that I thought was best for my life.  For nearly two years, I traveled down my own path. Anytime I felt an urge to turn back and begin on the path God had for me, I immediately was stricken with fear. Thus, I shoved His calling down deep where I hoped I would no longer feel it.  

However, on April 16, 2016 everything changed. So much happened in my life personally and I felt wrecked; but just as God was with Jonah in the belly of the big fish, God was with me. He did not leave me in my distress and disobedience. 

I will never forget that day; it started like any other day, but as it progressed my thoughts shifted to my life. I felt alone. My twin sister, Chantal, was dating a guy which made me feel like she was pulling away from me. I was also injured which meant for the first time I couldn’t run with my college teammates. When I really thought about it, I didn’t even know who I was without running and Chantal. Then, my thoughts turned to the “bargain” that I made with God not long before. I was lonely so I had decided that if God would send me a godly man that also had the call of full time ministry, then I would follow His call.   

To be honest, I was living in fear. I was afraid of what my life would look like if I didn’t have running, Chantal, or the security of a husband. Later that day, I went on a walk with a guy, who was the first to ever be interested in dating me. I was initially ecstatic of all the possibilities. As we talked and walked, he seemed like a great Christian guy but he was not called to ministry. In an instant, I was struck with guilt and grief; I knew what I had to do. I immediately went home and remembered what it says in Jonah 2:2 “ In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me. From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help, and you listened to my cry.” From a place of complete sincerity and vulnerability, I called out to the Lord; and in that moment, I knew I couldn’t take even one more step away from the path that God had for me. So I knelt, prayed, and wept for hours. I was afraid of the calling that God was putting on my heart; but I knew that no matter what God told me to do, I would follow Him to the ends of the Earth if he asked and I would go even if it meant leaving Chantal and being alone. I would not wait on anything or anyone; I was willing to leave it all to follow God’s call for my life. 

So I surrendered and dedicated my life to full time ministry. I wish I could adequately describe the peace and comfort I experienced in that moment but the words escape me. What I can tell you is that it surpassed anything I have ever experienced. From that moment, I have been passionately and faithfully running towards God’s calling for my life.   

After making this decision, I sat down in reflection. Amidst the quietness I heard God’s whisper and in an instance I knew I had found my answer: God speaks to me through a whisper. While he certainly speaks to me through his word and through wise counsel of other Christians, he also speaks to me in the stillness through the whisper of His Holy Spirit. I wrote this poem so I would never forget how God has spoken and will continue to speak to me: through a whisper. My hope is that this poem is a reminder or a starting point for the greater plan that God has for your life as it has been for me.

“The Whisper”
 
The endless searching
It cannot be seen or perceived
The whisper 
It seems to be calling to me
The path I take
 Is not where I should go
The journey to where I don’t know
 
The Whisper
Never departing from me
The distractions
To shift my attention from Thee
The trials 
For which I must face
 The decision
That I contemplate
 
The Whisper
That is still here with me
The plea
For where I should be
The cry to the Lord I call
With Grace 
He has forgiven all
 
The path 
That the Lord has for me
Is greater 
Than I could ever see
 I believe
That He will never leave 
The whisper 
Is always there guiding me
 
-Written April 17, 2016