Courage Uncaged

In Alice in Wonderland, the caterpillar conspicuously and repeatedly asks Alice one question. “Who are you?” 

If you would have asked me this question when I entered college, with much pride I would have immediately told you that I was a cross-country runner. I started my running career in middle school, continued into high school, and then went on to run as a division one athlete in college. 

I absolutely love running; I have always found so much freedom in it. However, for a time in my life running represented the opposite of freedom in many ways. It completely consumed my life. 

 With the hopes of being counted among the best runners, I used to run at least once every day if not more. Really much of what I did on a day-to-day basis was in the hope of advancing my running. It was pretty easy to see my devotion to cross-country. While this type of dedication to the sport is necessary to become a great runner and that is not necessarily a bad thing, the problem is that for me running became more than just what I did; it became who I was. 

Unfortunately over time, I allowed my identity to quickly became tied to who I was as a runner. Consequently I found my worth in my performance as a runner. So, when I ran well I felt secure and loved but when I didn’t I felt worthless and angry. 

The problem was I had found my identity in something other than God. I had made running my idol and my performance the basis of my worth. 

I know for you it might not be running but when you think about this question “who am I?” Is your first reaction to respond that you are a child of God or have you put something before Him? Have you made that thing your identity? 

God tells us in Exodus 20:3-5

“You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them…” 

Although we may not make and worship golden idols, we do often put things before God and find our worth in our abilities and successes. For me that was running. I allowed running to become more important in my life than my relationship with God, and the evidence was in the hours of running every week and my lack of time spent with my Heavenly Father. 

As time passed and as I continued on this destructive path, my image of myself became distorted because I had allowed my self worth to be defined and determined by my running and not by my identity in Christ. As a result, I felt helpless to the inevitability of running poorly. I was living in fear. 

However, that all changed when I surrendered and gave God my running. I laid my running shoes at the cross and started faithfully running with Jesus. When I did this, I felt like I could fly; I was finally free. I started to not just see but also believe what God says about my worth. Jesus tells us that in Christ we are a new creation and we are loved for who we are in Him. 

Let’s not get confused here. We are not loved for what we do. I was not loved more when I ran faster. God does not love you more when you perform to expectations or when you succeed.  You are loved for who you are in Christ. Period. No exceptions.

It is written in Ephesians 2:8

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast.” 

We can do nothing to earn our salvation. We do not deserve it but we are given this gift of salvation freely. All we must do is accept it and ask God to forgive us. 

Ever since giving God my running ability, spending time with God, as well as learning through reading the Bible, I have come to truly see my worth. I am learning that the best version of myself comes when I am defined by the One who knows me the most, loves me the most, and has the authority to tell me who I am. The same is true of you.

So please look at your life, be honest with yourself, and answer the question, have I been putting something above my relationship with God? Have I allowed something or someone other than God determine my worth? If so you are not alone, however, you need to surrender that thing. Then you need to listen. Listen for the words God wants to speak into your life:

I chose you.

I forgive you.

I value you.

I believe in you.

I love you.

If you personally know me then you know that I love to talk. Although on first glance I may appear shy, once I feel safe I will excitably begin to babble on about whatever is on my mind. Often, I’ll excitedly jump from one subject to another in a way that will quickly leave the listener with conversational whiplash. As a child my twin sister, Chantal, and I were no different. In fact we were so notorious for this that my parents actually had to tell both of us that we couldn’t talk at the dinner table for at least a few minutes so that our older brother could have an opportunity to talk. Our poor brother was always out numbered two to one. 

One of the underlying reasons for this rapid fire chattering was that I was always so excited to tell my parents about what happened in my day. I wanted to speak about the events of the day as quick as possible with the hope that I could beat Chantal to it. However, on the off chance Chantal did beat me, I would half listen as I would think about what I could say next and where I could cut into the conversation. 

Now that I am older I have seen this same childlike tendency in my life when speaking to my Heavenly Father. 

Many times, but especially when I feel like I am overly busy, I can find myself back to my old habits. I excitably and hastily pray; I ask God for what I need and run rapid fire through a list of needs for others. Then I say amen and move on with my day. Completely oblivious, once again, that this was supposed to be a two-way conversation. 

Unfortunately it is easy to make prayer an impersonal and habitual “must do” before meals and before going to bed. However, when we do this we lose the intimacy of talking to our Heavenly Father with vulnerability, where we can learn and feel this indescribable unconditional love that can only be experienced in relationship with Him. We get lost on this path of automatic prayers because we forget the ultimate comfort, honest love, and absolute truth that we can receive when we pray and listen to the One who knows us both inside and out. 

When we do this, it saddens our Heavenly Father for He craves for us to spend time with Him not because we feel obligated to but because we love spending time with Him.  It doesn’t matter what we have done in the past or the issues we are struggling with today, He knows not only the good in our lives but also the things we try to hide from everyone; yet, He still longs for a relationship with us.  

The thing is we often want that too when we are amidst deep pain, difficult decisions, or anxious thoughts. When we are experiencing these things we desire much more than a one-way conversation. 

Personally when these things are happening, I crave God’s comfort and words of guidance. So, I make the decision to prioritize my prayer life and take the time to not only speak but also to listen. But I want more than this. I don’t want to have an active and intimate prayer life only when I am in the pit, stuck in the darkness of uncertainties.

I desire this to be the reality that I live in each and every day of my life.  I want to wake up excited to speak to my Heavenly Father and then to be just as anxious to hear His response. But it doesn’t stop there. Throughout the day, I want to continue to humbly come before God with a prayerful spirit. 

Trust me, just like you I know that it can be difficult to do this especially with all of the distractions around us. But we cannot allow that to be our excuse for not giving God our best and that includes our prayer life. 

So, in light of all of this, right now I implore you to stop what you’re doing and pray. Pray for the state our world is in. Pray for the first responders in this fight against Covid-19. Pray for your family. Pray for your life. And please, above all pray that you will know Christ more intimately than ever; that you will long for Him and delight in Him like never before. Then be still and listen. I am confident that if you really want to hear from Him, you will. 

 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

I am listening
Waiting for your voice
To point me somewhere
Giving me purpose
A higher calling
Something I can’t do
By my strength alone
 
You are listening 
Waiting for my voice
To cease and listen 
For the words you give
Telling me to wait
Trust in you fully
Continue to pray
 
-Written February 22, 2018 by Chérie Wilson 

I have been hearing this whisper. I’m not quite sure when I began to hear it, but all I know is that this siren could not be ignored. Like a broken record, its endless repetition said, “Wake up!” 

These words were not words of anger. No, they were full of sorrow and urgency; a whisper with a weight that can only matched by the heaviness of the reality which I was living in. 

 You see, I did not know it, but I was stuck in a slumber. Let there be no mistake, this was not sleep, as we would normally think of it. My slumber was much more intrusive in nature, for it had penetrated almost every area of my life. I was living in a state of autopilot. I was efficient, available, and in all honestly a work horse, but I was living each day as if it consisted of a checklist. I had so much to do and so many people that relied on me that without even realizing it I had sacrificed spontaneity and relationships for high performance and task management. 

This seductive but destructive trance resulted in me falling asleep to the beauty in the little moments. I no longer wanted to take risks because I was too comfortable in the familiarity of where I was and the success I seemed to have. 

This is the state in which I was living in, but it was not an eternal sleep. I could still be awakened; I only needed someone to rouse me from this routine, this cycle I was stuck in. Where this happened and where this whisper became the loudest was in a place so fitting.

 Only just before this Coronavirus pandemic became so critical that international travel began to shut down, I was in Israel with a group of leaders from the Residency Institute with CCV (Christ Church of the Valley).  On one particular morning we were sitting in the Garden of Gethsemane and we were allowed to go off on our own. As I was sitting in the Garden I heard it… the whisper saying, “Wake up.” This whisper pierced my soul. However, just like the disciples sleeping in the Garden of Gethsemane on the night Jesus was betrayed, I needed more than just one prodding to fully wake up.  

Throughout the rest of the trip I kept hearing it. “Wake Up” But I wanted to deny it. How could I be asleep?

On the second to last day before heading back home, there it was again, “Wake Up” but this time I listened; I mean I really listened to what God wanted to tell me. 

In that moment, God truly humbled me. Like a slap in the face, but somehow still with a gentleness borne of infinite love, he told me that I had been asleep, not fully giving Him my life. He reminded me that being busy and merely filling my days with tasks doesn’t mean that I am somehow “better than”. Then He asked me two questions, “How was I giving Him my time?” and “How was I serving His people well?” I realized that I was far lacking in both these things. 

Traveling back home I knew that my life needed to change. I had to protect time to not only spend personal time with God but also to serve his people.  I had to leave time for spontaneity because you never know when the Holy Spirit will lead you to speak, listen, or act. This I committed to. 

Now being back in Arizona, things are crazier in this world than at any time that I can remember, at least in my lifetime.  As everything is being temporarily stripped away because of Covid 19, I can see clearly what God was teaching me in Israel. I can go without almost everything, but the thing that is most important to me is my relationship with God and the thing I miss the most is people. 

Now just as I had my wake up call, I believe that this state in which we are currently living because of the pandemic is another wake up call for not only me, but also for you, and the rest of the world. 

In this time, we have the unique opportunity to see clearly what is important. I pray you will take a moment and ask yourself,  “Am I sleeping?” Am I putting tasks and work before God and my family? From personal experience I can tell you this is not the path to take. In the end, this path will only leave you dissatisfied, empty, and frustrated. Nothing can satisfy, bring you peace, or give you contentment except for a real, meaningful, personal relationship with Jesus Christ. 

So this is my plea, for you to wake up. Look around, this is our time to rise up and spend time with God faithfully, to love and lead our families fully, as well as encourage and serve people generously.  

“Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, ‘Sit here while I go over there and pray.’ (…) Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.’ Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. ‘Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?’ he asked Peter.  ‘Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.’ He went away a second time and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.’ When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing. Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, ‘Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners.” 

-Matthew 26:36-46

-Picture by Matthew Wilson